


Nice Things

by youmakemesoangry (orphan_account)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, excessive talking about asses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 05:42:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1807462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/youmakemesoangry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel is not the type to deny himself nice things.<br/>Ray's ass is a really nice thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. how did it end up like this?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for remember-the-mole 's prompt  
> "What if Joel jerks off to Ray ass? He’s got a folder of pictures set aside that he looks at and even that dancing gif of Ray.   
> And sometimes when he finishes, he sends off a text to Ray telling him he has a nice ass.   
> Ray has no fucking clue, and that’s the way Joel likes it."

Let’s just say that it starts off like how any weird story starts off. Joel is just using some old videos as background noise while he works and he has the AHWU playlist on shuffle and autoplay. The repetition of lines is enough that he tunes it out, and the typical Achievement Hunter shenanigans is turned down enough that it all becomes familiar banter. 

It’s all innocent until he looks up and sees someone shaking their ass in front of the camera and shit, it shouldn’t be that quick. He’s a grown man. Sure, he’s always been an ass guy. He is quick to appreciate an ass before a chest, but this is a little extreme. He can’t look away for the few seconds that he sees that ass shake, but he already knows that it was a few seconds too many. He finally listens to what is being said, and that’s Michael’s voice telling Ray to get through the window and of fucking course its Ray. 

Joel is not the type to deny himself nice things. He likes his comfy clothes and he likes his comedy and he likes nice asses. This is not the first time he’s noticed Ray, and it definitely not the first time he’s noticed Ray’s ass. The kid, and fucking hell Ray is a  _kid,_ makes lots of offhand, deadpan jokes about being Puerto Rican, but it seems that the latino blood is just strong enough that his ass catches Joel’s attention even though the camera is shaking and the angle would never be considered flattering.

And that’s where it starts. It starts with a dumb ‘Team Lads Action News Team’ segment or whatever, and leads to a folder named Latino Economy Stats that is hidden in another folder called the Failing Gold Market. It leads to a folder of just stills and gifs of Ray’s ass taken from videos and the internet. The internet is a resourceful place, and Joel is not one to forget that.

He doesn’t do anything about it at first. He’s not a creep, and Ray’s young enough to be his son. It takes a few weeks before he gives in and starts browsing through the pictures with the lights turned down and his laptop on the bed with him. It’s pathetic, but Joel is not the type to deny himself nice things.

Ray’s ass is a really nice thing.

The first time he does it, he comes faster than he has in years, with his thumb pressing against the head of his cock and his eyes squinting with the effort to close in pleasure but struggling to not look away.

It’s a while before he can bring himself to even look at the folder again, but when he does, he knows he’s hooked. All he can think of as he pumps his cock faster and faster is how it would feel to fuck that ass, with Ray pressing back against him and hearing his surprisingly nice, deep voice moaning Joel’s name. He squeezes the base of his dick in an effort to maintain some semblance of control, but all it does is make his hips jerk up at the pressure. Before he comes this time, lets his eyes fall closed and lets the mental pictures of Ray’s ass fill his mind. He comes hard, arching his back and groaning out Ray’s name.

As he lays panting, he thinks of a way to make himself feel less guilty. He can’t feel bad if he makes it a joke, right?

He acts before he can overthink it. The text to Ray is sent without a second thought and Joel cleans himself off, purposefully keeping his mind on other things as to not stress himself out.

And he doesn’t think about it again, as least until the next time he needs to jerk off.

 

 

But Ray can’t stop thinking about it. What the fuck does a text from Joel at midnight saying ‘nice ass’ mean?


	2. you've got something I need

It goes on that way for a while. Joel would open up his folder of Latino Economy Stats when he couldn’t control it any more, he would jerk off, have the best orgasms he’s had in years, and then he would text Ray. 

Neither of them mentioned it at work. Joel didn’t want to bring it up because of obvious reasons, and Ray was just too baffled to even know where to start.

It was starting to make Ray a little self-conscious, if he was being honest. Once or twice, it would be a joke, but a couple times a week made it seem like he was being mocked. 

Not a lot made Ray feel self-conscious, but he’s always been a bit sensitive about his ass. He has his mother’s hips, and he was teased about them for a long time, mostly by the same kids that said that they wanted to bang his mom. It didn’t really make for a pleasant experience.

But Joel wasn’t the type to just mock someone. So it had to be something else. 

Maybe he was serious?

Wait. Was Joel actually sending him repeated texts about his ass as a come on? Ray fiddled with his controller while he thought about it.

Joel is just  _eccentric_ enough that this could seem like a perfectly logical thing to happen. 

It honestly isn’t the farthest thing from Ray’s mind, to be completely honest. Let’s just say, Ray’s noticed how youthful the older man looks and how his smile takes up half his face and how his freckles look too soft on such an angular face. He’s noticed how Joel talks with his hands and how long his fingers are.

And he’ll stop thinking right there, because he had to give commentary in this Let’s Play at some point. Michael was already side-eyeing him.

 

 

Joel gets called down to help with one of Achievement Hunter’s Weekly Updates, which is code for “be as much of a distraction as possible”. He’s very good at that.

Walking into the Hunters’ office, he notices Ray leaning over Michael’s desk, pointing out and laughing at something, causing Michael to curse and throw his controller down. Typical, and not really the focus of Joel’s attention.

Ray dresses in a style of what Joel likes to call “Middle Schooler Discovers Graphic Tees For First Time”. His shirts are obnoxious and pants are either jeans or khaki shorts. Neither of which are of the flattering type.

Ray’s ass throws all clothing logic out the window. No one’s ass should look good in khaki shorts.

And yet…

Here Joel is, feeling himself get hot. His body seems to have a Pavlov response to that ass now.

He hears someone clear their throat discreetly, and blinks. Had he really just been blatantly staring at Ray’s ass and biting his lip like a fucking pervert?

Joel turns and receives a significant eyebrow raise from Ryan. He flushes, and looks away, trying to look like an adult who has important things to do elsewhere. Such as jerking off hard and fast in the bathroom while imagining what it would be like to bend Ray over his desk and grind against that ass until they both come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these first two chapters are pretty short, but I'm making the next ones longer


	3. have no idea that you're in deep

Ray decides that he should talk to someone about whatever the fuck is going on with Joel. 

If it’s just Joel being stranger than usual, then Ray needs to know how to deal with it. He doesn’t know how to tell someone that he thinks they’re being weird in a nice way. 

But if Joel is hitting on him, albeit in the most roundabout way, well. Ray needs to know how to deal with that, too.

The point being that Ray has to talk to someone at some point and he isn’t looking forward to it. 

He’s especially not looking forward to it because he knows his fucking friends and, to be perfectly honest, they’re fucking assholes. 

Gavin couldn’t take something serious if his life depended on it. Michael would laugh at him and then just walk away. Geoff would probably tell him to embrace a new “alternative lifestyle” and then make dick jokes. Jack would probably be his best option, but Jack might also fuck with Ray in order to somehow fuck with Joel, so who knows. 

Ray does not want to think about what Ryan would say, Jesus Christ. 

Plus, he has to see these people all day, everyday. Granted, he could ask someone that isn’t in the Achievement Hunter office, or outside of work completely, but that would be too much effort and too much reaching out. 

In the end, Ray decides that his best option is, in fact, Jack, so when they finish their Let’s Play and break for lunch, he is out of his chair and standing by Jack’s before the others have even taken off their headphones.

“Hey, um. Jack?” Once his headphones come off, Jack looks up at Ray with a raised eyebrow. “Can I-um, can I talk to you real quick? It’s nothing bad, just uh, I need your opinion on something.” Jack shrugs.

“Sure man, whatever you need.” Ray leads them to one of the currently empty meeting rooms and proceeds to fidget, unsure how to phrase what he wanted to ask. Jack pulls out a chair and sits down, staring at Ray expectantly yet without any sense of pressuring. Ray sighs and takes out his phone.

“So, you know Joel?” Jack’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, the man sits up more in his chair.

“I am aware of his existence, yes. Unfortunately.” When Ray doesn’t elaborate on his question right away, Jack just waits patiently. Finally, Ray unlocks his phone and hands it to Jack.

“What does it mean if he texts me about my ass repeatedly throughout the week?” Jack’s eyes dart to the phone for a moment as he takes it, but his eyes stay fixed on Ray.

“Joel has been texting you. About your ass?” Ray gives a sort of helpless shrug in reply, and motions towards the phone. Jack starts scrolling through the messages, his face staying mostly blank. When he’s done reading them, he hands the phone back to Ray, leans his elbows on his knees, and puts his face in his hands. Ray watches him for almost a minute and is about to ask what Jack was thinking when the man sighs and sits up again. Looking at Ray, Jack shakes his head and then fixes his glasses.

“Ray. I have known Joel for many years. More years than I remember, considering I’ve probably repressed most of them. I know that Joel can be a bit, um. To put it lightly, Joel is manic and he’s fucking strange but I have never once seen that man do anything on this level.” Jack closes his eyes, shakes his head, and laughs lightly. “Joel is very strange, but not ‘text people your opinion of their ass’ strange. Do you know what started it?”

Ray’s eyes widen and he fidgets with his phone some more.

“I have no idea! I got a text from him at midnight a couple of weeks ago, and I hadn’t even seen him since, well. Probably the last podcast we were on together. It literally came out of no where.” Jack rubs at his face in thought, before looking up at Ray with one eyebrow raised.

“Joel is an ass guy.” His confusion must have shown clearly on his face because Jack elaborated. “You know how most guys, they like girls with big boobs, or a lot of curves? Well, Joel has always had a thing for nice asses.” Ray could feel his face heating up slightly. He wasn’t prone to blushing, considering he wasn’t prone to embarrassment, but just the confirmation that Joel was truly complimenting his ass made him feel that lingering emotional sensitivity to people’s thoughts on his ass.

“I’m not saying for sure that Joel is possibly hitting on you, because who really knows what is going on in that man’s head. I don’t think Joel even knows his own thoughts half the time. That being said,” Jack stands up from the chair, walks over to Ray, and puts his hands on Ray’s shoulders. “Joel is probably hitting on you.” Jack gives him a little shake, before turning and walking out of the room.

“Wait, Jack! What do I do?!” The retreating form never stopped, but Jack did turn his head for a moment.

“I have food to eat, Ray. Lunch waits for no man.”

Ray sighs and lifts his hand to squeeze at the bridge of his nose.

So, update on what Ray now knows:  
\- Joel almost probably likes him.  
\- Joel actually does like his ass.  
\- Jack is basically useless before lunch.  
\- Jack is basically useless, full-stop.

Ray goes to the kitchen, eats his own lunch quickly, and returned to the Achievement office. The only other person there is Ryan, so once Ray is seating, he spins his chair around. He stares at Ryan until he’s sure the other man can feel it. Ryan slowly turns his head, and he furrows his eyebrows at Ray.

“Yes, Ray?” Ryan, the fucking attitude guy.

“Ryan. Rye-bread. Mad King. One half of the R & R connecti-“

“Is this about Joel?” Ray stops short, but only pauses a moment before flinging himself back in his chair.

“How the fuck do you know these things! You’re so fucking creepy, man.” Ryan chuckles, and turns back to his computer.

“I caught him staring at your ass.” Ray was across the room in an instant, pulling out and sitting in Jack’s chair.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Ryan doesn’t even look away from his computer when he replies. 

“Remember when Joel was supposed to help us with AHWU and then just bailed?” Ray takes a moment to think about it, but ends up nodding. “Well, he had walked into the old office, noticed you bent over talking to Michael or something, and it was like he turned into one of those cartoon guys that starts panting and their eyes bug out and shit. I cleared my throat, and once he knew that I knew, he left like his ass was on fire. I had never seen Joel blush until that day.” Ray covers his face with his hands and groans.

“He’s been texting me about my ass for weeks, and I just thought he was mocking me. Holy shit, Joel Heyman likes me. Joel Heyman wants to have gay sex with me.” Ray’s voice is muffled, but Ryan is chuckling so he is at least still audible.

“Just don’t say no homo when he puts his penis inside you.” Ray groans even louder and Ryan just laughs harder.


	4. we pick ourselves undone

The situation may or may not have gotten slightly out of hand.

“Seriously? Joel, are you serious?”

So the situation is widely out of control and Joel isn’t really sure how it got that way.

“Joel, listen. I love you, you weird bastard, but I’m debating whether or not to file a sexual harassment complaint on behalf of the kid.” Geoff twirls his mustache in an absent gesture and Joel doesn’t want to be here anymore. He has been trying to figure out a way to get passed both Jack _and_ Geoff, but to of no avail. So far, Geoff and Jack have just kept him from leaving the meeting room by standing in front of the door. Jack has his arms crossed with a very very serious frown on his face, and Geoff looks like he is about to pull up a chair and fall asleep. Jack drops his arms, and relaxes his stance slightly.

“Joel, man. Ray has been kind of freaking out. It is not easy to freak Ray out. I’ve seen that kid shrug off a lot of shit that probably would have affected a normal person. You, texting him multiple times a week complimenting his ass? Has officially freaked out Ray.” Jack sounds very judgey, and Joel feels appropriately chastised. He shrugs and waves his hands in a motion that he thinks conveys “this situation is out of control and I don’t know how to handle the fact that I jerk off regularly to pictures of someones ass”. 

By the looks on their faces, though, his message doesn’t seem to get across all that well. 

“It’s not like I know what I’m doing. I’ve never had to, y’know, do this. And the guy thing? That’s new. I’m in open water here.” Neither of the other men seem to be picking up what Joel is throwing down. Before he can open his mouth again, Geoff gestures at him with his hand.

“I’m all for you embracing an alternative lifestyle. That being said,” Geoff pauses and gestures harshly before continuing, “stop fucking harassing my employee about his ass. If it was Gavin, that’d be fine. That kid has had so many things forcibly shoved into his ass that the thing is practically public property. Ray? Not so much. Either ask him out or leave the poor kid alone.” 

With that, Geoff turns, opens the door, and leaves. So Joel is left staring at Jack, who doesn’t look like he’s ready to leave any time soon. Jack sighs and rubs at his beard roughly. 

“Joel. What is the real problem here?” Joel’s hand goes up to rub at his hair, messing it up thoroughly, but doesn’t answer. “Okay. I personally think the problem is that you don’t know how to express a normal human range of emotion and instead of talking about your little thing for Ray, or getting over it, you have chosen a really creepy middle ground. Which has lead to Ray being extremely confused. Just fucking talk to him. Take him on a date. Talk about your weird thing for his ass. I don’t care. Just stop texting him weird shit and do not, I repeat, do not give me any details.” With that, Jack turned and the room, heading back towards the Achievement Hunter office. 

Now that Joel is alone, he is forced to think about his little issue. Well, his decent sized issue. He’s never had any complaints before, okay?

 

 

Ray is in the middle of editing when he feels someone standing behind him. He takes off his headphones and turns around. Geoff is looking extremely unamused, and Ray is worried that he may have fucked up a recording or something. Geoff sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t know what Joel is trying to accomplish, but if it’s gay sex please don’t do it in the office.” With that, he walks back to his desk and roughly puts on his own headphones. Ray is too stunned to turn back around, so he just sort of sits there looking in the general direction of Geoff. 

He heres snickering next to him, so he quickly turns a glare at where Michael and Gavin are both looking at him like this is the funniest shit they’ve seen in a while.

“So Ray. Is it canon yet? Does the internet know?” Michael sounds like he’s barely holding it together, and Gavin is already squeaking.

“Not that funny guys.” Ray does not find the situation to be as amusing as the other two lads do, but he can still feel his mouth start to tick up in a smile.  He knows that Jack and Geoff were just out talking to Joel, considering that they aren’t as inconspicuous as they’d like to think. Ray thinks that he should be more embarrassed than he is, but he feels strangely pleased. Geoff has just basically confirmed that Joel wants to bang him, so at least there’s that.

The door to the Achievement office opens, and Jack walks in. He looks over at Ray as Ray turns around again to look at him. Jack looks disappointed in the universe and he just sighs and sits down at his desk, mumbling to himself.

That is all the confirmation that Ray needs. Jack only get’s that look on his face when Joel has said or done something particularly stupid but not necessarily bad. It makes Ray almost giddy, and he must have a stupid smile on his face because he can hear Michael snickering next to him. Ray kicks a leg out in his general direction, which only turns the snickering into full out giggles, now coming from Gavin as well.

He hates them. Really. And he’s going to tell them that once he gets his cheeks to stop hurting from how hard he’s smiling.


	5. let the beams shine

Joel is very good at psyching himself out. He’s been doing it for many years and he’s a trained professional at it. So, naturally, something that should be easy and should not be the cause for a freak-out leads to Joel trying to figure out a way to avoid all areas of the office that he may run into Ray. Because Joel is psyching himself out.

Because Joel is trying to think of a way to ask Ray out that doesn’t include a discussion about his ass. It’s a lot harder than one might think.

Maybe Joel is over thinking this. It’s just Ray. Ray who is funny and is really laid back. Ray who has amazing eyelashes and a surprisingly deep voice. Ray who is nice and interesting and really attractive. Ray, whose ass he has jerked off to for weeks and now he starts to get hard when he sees Ray in the office. Fuck.

At least, Joel thinks, Ray can’t possibly know that he jerks off to thoughts of his ass and voice. So there’s that. Not that that helps Joel in any way at all.

Maybe he should treat it like bandaid. Just get it over with, all quick and painless like. Just walk up to Ray, and look him dead in the eye, and. What? What would he even say? ‘So I know I’ve been texting you about your ass and stuff, but deep down I actually like more than your ass. Like, your face. And your personality.’

Yeah. That would totally work. Fucking A+ right there, Heyman.

This would be easier if it was just about wanting to bang Ray. If it was just that, he could easily get over it. But he knows Ray. They’ve hung out a few times and he’s seen a lot of videos that he’s in. Joel is inexplicably charmed by Ray and that isn’t so easy to get over. 

In the mean time, Joel actually needs to go to the kitchen. He avoided the area during lunch, but now his stomach is trying to eat itself, so he has no choice but to venture out into dangerous territory. 

As he makes his way to the kitchen, he keeps checking around him, and keeps his ears open. If he so much as hears someone say Ray’s name, he is out of here. He makes it to the kitchen safely, and opens the fridge with a few more suspicious glances around the area. He ducks down to get his lunch from the back when a voice from behind him makes him almost brain himself in the freezer door. 

“Nice ass.” Joel straightens up. but doesn’t turn around. He’s holding his lunch with a white-knuckled grip, and he thinks he might actually pass out.

“You look just like I did when I got that first text, Mr. Heyman.” The voice, _Ray’s_ voice, is directly behind him now. Joel backs away from the fridge so he can close the door, and than he slowly turns around. He’s sure he looks pale and panicked, but Ray just lifts an eyebrow judgingly instead of commenting.

After a few moments, it’s obvious that Ray is waiting for Joel to say something, but Joel doesn’t think he’s capable of it. He swallows and it makes his throat click. That causes one side of Ray’s mouth to tick up, and Joel likes that.

He clears his throat awkwardly, and runs a hand through his hair, tugging slightly.

“Um, Hi, hey. Ray. What’s up?” Fucking suave as shit there. This is a train wreck already. Joel wishes he could literally sink through the floor. Both of Ray’s eyebrows shoot up, and an actual smile starts to appear. 

“Not much, Joel. Just, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” Joel can feel his eyes widen slightly. This is it. Ray is going to tell him he’s a creepy old man and he’s never going to know what Ray’s moans sound like. He’s never going to get to see what Ray looks like when he comes. Joel is actually very upset and life isn’t fair. 

Granted, this is all Joel’s fault.

“Wh-what about?” He’s trying to calm down, but between psyching himself out and Ray surprising him, Joel doesn’t know what to do. Like, at all.

Ray shrugs, almost as if he truly has no idea and has no cares in the world. Lucky bastard.

“Just stuff. Video games, possibility of a new season of The Strangerhood, your weird yet flattering obsession with my backside. You know, stuff.” Joel feels all the color that had left his face immediately come back with vengeance. He’s blushing and he hates everything.

Ray looks extremely amused, and he starts to chuckle when Joel glares at him. Even as Joel glares, though, he can feel himself relaxing.

“This is no time to laugh Ray. It is a serious affliction.” Joel fakes a haughty sniff, and it makes it Ray laugh. Ray’s laugh is really nice, and it makes his shoulders relax and he can finally breathe somewhat normally. He can do this.

“I’m sure it is. I sympathize with your _assfliction._ ” Joel groans and throws his head back, and Ray’s laughter booms out of him. It’s a really nice sound.

“Thanks, Barbara.” Joel laughs too because this is easy. Talking with Ray is easy. Getting through this awkward conversation will probably be easy.

Their laughter dies off, and Joel ducks his head and scratches the back of it.

“So I might be really attracted to you. And I think you’ve got a great personality. I also don’t know how to ask someone out like an adult.” Joel doesn’t look directly at Ray. He looks sort of to the left of him because he’s too chicken shit to actually see what Ray’s reaction is.

“Joel. Would you please look at me?” It takes a few moments but Joel gathers enough courage to look at Ray directly, and he looks vaguely amused. “I pretty much figured that you were attracted to me. I mean, a couple of the guys confirmed it for me, but you weren’t exactly subtle.” Joel’s blush comes back again, and if it weren’t for the laughter in Ray’s voice, he would probably try to see if running away could solve his problems. 

“I gotta ask though, man. Why my ass?” Joel makes a helpless gesture, but Ray doesn’t seem to like that answer.

“I-I don’t know. You have, you know. It’s a nice ass.” Joel mumbles that last part, and he’s seriously trying not to think about Ray’s ass even as he is talking about it. This isn’t the time to start getting hard. Not at work and especially not during this conversation. “It’s not just your ass, either. Well, at first it was. But it’s just all of you. You’re kind of amazing.”

Ray looks just as startled by the sappy statement as Joel feels.

“Well then, Joel. That settles it. I guess we’ll just have to start dating.” A slight blush is the only evidence that Ray is just as nervous about this as Joel is. Ray turns on his heel, and starts walking back towards the Achievement office, leaving Joel standing there confused.

“Wait, what? Why?” Joel calls after Ray, but Ray doesn’t even bother turning around to reply.

“Because I’m kind of amazing, Joel. Keep up.”

Joel can feel the smile slowly making it’s way onto his face, until he’s grinning and he’s chuckling. He takes a step back and slouches against the counter. He breathes in deep, and let’s it out in a loud sigh. 

This might just work.

 

 

Ray walks into the Achievement Hunter office, and when the others see his face, he gets two groans, two cheers, and an eye roll from Geoff.

“Just not in the office, for fuck’s sake.”


	6. called you for the first time yesterday

Ray stares at his phone for a while, not really sure what to say. He has never texted Joel back before, nor has he initiated the texts. 

It doesn’t help that he’s in his apartment rather than at work, so he can’t ask one of his super helpful coworkers. 

How does one text? He needs to call in help from a friend. He needs to buy a vowel. 

He rubs at his forehead, and takes a deep breath. He is just about to write out some disaster of a message when his phone starts to vibrate in his hand, startling the shit out him. He slides to answer after a few moments so it doesn’t seem as if he was actively staring at his phone like a loser.

“Hello?” He’s still a little startled, to be honest, so his greeting comes out a little more cautious than he wanted it to.

 _“I figured since I was the one who texted you first, I should be the one who called you.”_ Ray can practically hear Joel’s grin, even through the obvious nervousness. It makes Ray crack a smile in response. He then realizes that Joel can’t see him, so he clears his throat and tries to control his damn face.

“That-um, yeah that’s very gentlemanly of you, Mr. Heyman.” He hears Joel give a little huff of laughter.

 _“Yeah, well. I’m a gentlemanly kind of guy.”_ He laughs along with Joel and he realizes that this feels good. This could work. You know, if they both stop being extremely awkward people.

“Not entirely what I’ve heard, but I’ll take your word for it.”

 _“Who has said otherwise? I’m a charming man, Raymundo, and I know how to treat the ladies.”_ Ray shakes his head and let’s out a small laugh.

“Don’t call me that asshole. And I would like a survey from said ladies, to back up your story.” Ray hears Joel sigh dramatically, and he bites his lip to keep his laugh in.

 _“Well if you’re gonna be difficult about this, I’ll just have to show you. I’m truly quite the catch.”_ Ray felt his face heat, despite being annoyed that he could hear the smirk in Joel’s voice.

“Oh yeah? Prove it?” He makes his voice almost teasing, and he can practically feel the sexual tension sky-rocket through the phone. He might as well have said ‘fuck me’ for how drastically the mood has shifted. Joel is quiet except for his breathing. “Um, I didn’t mean-“

 _“I’m getting on in my years, Ray. I don’t have the same patience for being coy as you young whippersnappers have. So I’m going to be a tad blunt here. While I take a lot of pleasure in your company and your face and you’re entire personality, I also take_ great _pleasure in thinking about bending you over certain objects.”_ Joel is silent, this time his breathing isn’t even loud enough to hear. Ray is shocked, unable to even process what just was said.

“Wha?”

 _“So you can say that kind of shit as much as you want, but be prepared to be smoldered at and possibly blatantly ogled.”_ What?

“I-um. Okay?” Ray honestly isn’t one hundred percent sure what Joel just said but it sounded like a compliment? “You’re not that old, Joel.” He hears Joel snort.

 _“Of course that would be what you got out of that. Christ, Ray.”_ Joel laughs softly, just a soft sound through the phone. Ray doesn’t know what to say, but Joel doesn’t let the dead air hang for too long. _“I wasn’t kidding, Ray. I’m gonna woo the shit outta you. Like, you’re gonna swept off your feet so fast, you aren’t gonna know what hit you.”_ Ray smiles and ducks his head, before realizing that Joel can’t see his blush so there is no need to hide his face. 

“Well, I look forward to that. I’m ready to be wooed. You can put on your charm anytime you feel like it, Heyman.”

 _“Prepare yourself. I’m gonna date you so hard.”_ Ray chuckles and hears the sound echoed from Joel’s end. 

“Are you going to pull out chairs for me and neck me at the drive-thru?” He can practically hear Joel’s eye roll from his apartment, and it makes Ray grin wider.

_“Please, Ray. I’m classier than that. We’re gonna go to indoor things.”_

“Like what?” There’s a pause and then Joel hums, seemingly in agreement with himself.

_“You’ll find out. How’s Saturday work for you?”_

“I don’t know, Joel. I think I’ll have to check my calendar, but I’ll be sure to fit you into my busy social life.” 

 _“If you were any more sarcastic, I think you might actually hurt yourself.”_ They both laugh a little and Ray hasn’t felt this good in a long time. _“I’m gonna let you go. You probably have video games to perfect or whatever you kids do nowadays.”_

They say their goodbyes, and Ray keeps the phone up to his ear until he hears the beeping alerting him that Joel ended the call.

Ray sighs, and rubs his hand down his face.

He can do this.

 

 

 

 

He dreams about Joel that night.

He dreams about what Joel had said.

About what he had said about bending him over certain objects.

His mind filled in the ‘certain objects’ space with Joel’s desk.

Well the dream doesn’t start on Joel’s desk, but rather at it. 

He’s leaning his ass against Joel’s desk, and they’re flirting back and forth. Joel is looking him up and down like he might eat him, and it makes Ray feel _really_ good. It’s been a long time since someone has looked at Ray like that. His expression isn’t anything like what Ryan had described it to be when he was looking at Ray bent over Michael’s desk.

Joel’s eyes are dark and hooded and his pupils are dilated and, well. How can Ray resist that.

Especially when Joel bites his lip softly. 

In a second, he’s bent down to reach Joel sitting in his chair to kiss him. The dream makes it so Ray can’t really feel the press and hot slide of Joel’s lips against his own, but his mind supplies the feeling of pleasure anyway. He let’s out a moan against Joel’s lips, and feels a hand cup the back of his neck. He’s pulled closer in order for Joel to deepen the kiss. The position starts to feel uncomfortable, so dream logic bamfs him into Joel’s lap. He’s now straddling the chair, and his hips are flush against Joel’s.

He feels more than hears the moan that gets dragged out of Joel’s throat as Ray settles down on him. It makes Ray feel a little smug, and he scoots up slightly so his ass is pressed along Joel’s hardening dick. This time, he hears the moan as Joel breaks away from the kiss in order to tip his head back slightly. Ray takes this as an invitation to start kissing and sucking at the throat presented to him. He starts to grind his hips; down against Joel’s dick and forward against Joel’s stomach. He lets out shaky breath as Joel makes a hurt sound. 

Joel’s hands go to Ray’s hips, but almost immediately skid back to grab Ray’s ass. He squeezes slightly before using his hold to encourage Ray’s movements and to move at a pace that has Ray letting out a string of curses and Joel groaning deep in his chest.

Right when Ray can feel his orgasm coming, hot in his lower stomach and almost intoxicating, Joel stops the movements of his hips. Ray immediately whines, and leans in to bite Joel’s lip in an effort to make Joel let him continue. Instead, Joel grabs both of his thighs and stands, lifting Ray with him. He is set down on the desk, and Joel drags him to the very edge of the desk so he can grind against Ray again. Ray’s head tips back and continues the motion and he’s laid flat along the desk. Joel never stops grinding down against him, and it’s shooting flares of pleasure up his spine. Ray wraps his legs around Joel’s hips to encourage him to go harder, _god harder please Joel,_ and grabs Joel’s hands where they’re still gripping his things. He brings they’re hands up by his head, which causes Joel to lay fully on him.

Joel pushes Ray’s hands firmly against the desk and starts leaving bite and suck marks along Ray’s throat and collar bone, all while continuing to grind their dicks together. Joel is thrusting harder now, but slower. He’s making each grind long and dirty and Ray doesn’t think he’s going to survive this. He’s arching up against Joel’s body and trying to push against the thrusts in order to get Joel to _fucking move faster you bastard._ He feels Joel’s huff of laughter against his throat, but the thrusts do get fast. It’s amazing and it makes Ray see stars behind his eyelids.

He doesn’t know he’s moaning until he feels Joel’s smug smile against his throat, but he can’t be bothered to care. It feels so fucking good; the rough pleasure of grinding with clothes on and the feeling of Joel’s hard dick against his is better than anything else he’s ever felt, even with the dream changing the way the pleasure is felt.

He’s so close, and he knows Joel is by the way the thrusts speed up and become slightly sloppy. 

Joel bites down on Ray’s neck as he comes, which causes Ray to gasp and tighten his hold on Joel’s hands above his head. 

Joel continues to grind through his orgasm, and Ray’s right on the edge. 

His eyes are squeezed shut in pleasure and his mouth is already dropping open in preparation for a moan when Joel tilts his head of just slightly to pant in his ear.

_“The forecast for today is supposed to be partly cloud, with a chance of evening showers.”_

Ray jolts awake and is immediately aware of the way he’s thrusting down against his bed. Instead of stopping, he keeps thrusting and presses his face into his pillow. It only takes him a couple of thrusts before he’s coming so fucking hard and muffling his moan into the pillow.

The orgasm leaves his muscles twitching, even after he comes down from the high of coming. 

He still has his face pressed into the pillow when he reaches over to slap at his alarm.

After a few tries the stupid thing turns off and he’s never going to be able to listen to the weather without popping the most inappropriate boner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super sorry this is so late guys! I've been busy with things like family and lifeguard training.


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